The following is a post from July 12, 2013. I have updated the article with positive changes from the past year. :-)
I guess it all started when I was quite young. Food became a source of comfort and I just didn’t seem to lose my “baby fat” until 8th grade.
My mother meant well when she put “us” (Mom and me) on a diet when I was 12. SHE was thin. I was overweight at the time, I guess. Although, I had yet to experience a 5-inch growth spurt that would stretch me out by the time I was in the fall of 8th grade and no longer needing to shed pounds.
In the past, I viewed myself as a very overweight person. This self-perception had no connection to reality. Yes, at times I weighed more than I liked. But, the problem was not my actual weight in pounds; rather, it was the imaginary scale in my head.
I have the greatest compassion for anyone who struggles with weight issues. The psychological roots run so deep! These problems go far beyond just “eating less.” Most importantly, we are NOT defined by our weight. Rather, the person INSIDE of us is really who we are!
Research has demonstrated that daughters whose mothers put them on diets have a tendency to be more dissatisfied with their body image (McCabe & Ricciardelli, 2004). For me, I have struggled with this issue most of my life. Looking back, I know that my beloved mother meant well. She worked diligently to maintain her thin physique. It must have been satisfying to her. Mom wanted the same for me. However, as the aforementioned research indicated, I became displeased with the person in the mirror.
As I said, in my mind, I was always a very fat person.
This is why I REFUSE to make comments about weight to either of my boys. Males are also affected by their mother’s attitudes and behaviors about weight. I limit my comments to nutrition.
Last year, I wrote about my love for the Starbucks Morning Bun. Unfortunately, that culinary love affair ended when the coffee-house chain switched to a new pastry menu. Sadly, sometimes, we are forced to leave old pastry partners behind…
For a while, I started a rebound relationship with The Starbuck’s Blueberry Scone. After consuming this “healthy” pastry (it contained antioxidant-rich berries, after all), “Chubby Cate” returned.
But, the Blueberry Scone was so delicious! Would I like it warmed up? Yes, please! Why would I choose a 400 calorie Plain Bagel with Cream Cheese when for a mere addition of 60 calories, I could have a “moist scone STUDDED with blueberries and topped with sugar crystals?”
The description made me feel as if I were ingesting semi-precious stones. Surely, the effect was a more sparkling me!
Thing the is, I didn’t feel like a glittering gem. I felt like a carbohydrate loaded slug. Something had to give!
So, I researched the Paleo Diet and stayed on it for 24 hours until my neighbor told me that some people who remained on this eating plan were losing their hair. True or not, imagining myself both bald AND chubby seemed far too much to bear.
Dissecting the problem, helped me to see that I was eating when I wasn’t hungry, much as I had as a child.
For any emotion on the spectrum, from absolute delirium to the darkest depression.
In order to get in touch with my actual hunger and learn to appreciate food once again, I have simply stopped eating anything but fruit or vegetables between meals.
How can something so simple help me to feel so much better, both physically and psychologically?
I guess it’s just food, not rocket science.
Comments are most welcome!
Have a terrific weekend,